WATERLOO, IA — Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) told Fox News that she is offering a better alternative to the 9-9-9 plan proposed by Herman Cain. Dubbed the “6-6-6 Plan,” Bachmann feels that it is the first viable roadmap to prosperity offered by any of the 2012 Republican presidential candidates.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011, at the Bloomberg-sponsored Republican Economic Debate she had stated, “Herbert’s plan is dangerous because if you turn ‘9-9-9’ upside down it reads ‘666.’ The devil is in the details.” During an interview on Fox News this morning, she was asked to expand on her assertion.
“I don’t mean this as anything negative about Herschel Cain, other than the fairly obvious fact that he may actually be the anti-Christ,” explained Bachmann, adding, “That may sound harsh, but in Anoka, we’re plain-spoken people. If we believe something, we don’t hold back.”
The presidential aspirant went on to outline her own approach to bringing the country back from the edge of an economic abyss. “My plan is simple and is guaranteed to work. In the Abrahamic religion, an offering of one or more lambs was made to expiate sins. Well, in today’s United States, we have at least six things we need to apologize to God for: loans to solar-panel manufacturer Solyndra; the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell; Elizabeth Warren’s new federal consumer protection agency; Occupy Wall Street; Obamacare; and the defeat of the House Republican Plan for America’s Job Creators authored by Eric Cantor.”
Warming to her subject, the congresswoman continued, “If we select six appropriately sinful people to sacrifice to God, it goes without saying that we will enjoy at least six years of economic prosperity.”
FOX & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson interrupted Bachmann, saying, “Surely, you are not suggesting that we sacrifice people, as though they were animals?”
“Not just any people,” responded Bachmann. “I know this sounds extreme, but don’t you think that a burning pyre on the Washington Mall with Congressman Barney Frank, former Senator Christopher Dodd, MSNBC talking head Rachel Maddow, President Barrack Hussein Obama, Current TV’s Keith Olbermann, and that old blowhard Newt Gingrich piled on it would produce an incense pleasing to the Lord?”
In response to incredulous looks from co-hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy, Bachmann commented, “Have you heard a better idea from the other candidates? Perry’s economic plan amounts to ‘Drill, baby, drill,’ even though the oil and gas industry has been eliminating jobs as their profits soared. Romney says that we should pour even more money into military hardware — as if we needed to get ready for yet another war. And McCain has his stupid 9-9-9 plan.”
Not hearing a reply from her startled interviewers, Bachmann continued, “So there you have it. Atone for six sins by sacrificing six sinners, and we are guaranteed a minimum of six years of prosperity: 6-6-6. It’s the first really fresh idea to come out of the Republican Party in a very long time, and if elected, I promise to implement it right away.”
Copyright © 2011 by Candace L. Van Auken. All rights reserved.
I am a writer, computer nerd, and an activist for people who are disabled by chronic illness. I am also interested in issues related to the LGBTQIA community and to women making music.
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Cuppa with Candace 
…aren’t you actually almost a little ashamed for knowing the names of regular, just like you & me, mom Gretchen Carlson (BTW, graduated w/ honors at Stanford, hahaha!), Steve Doocey (an abomination) and Brian Kilmeade (the Judge’s sidekick)???
Truth be told, if I got paid their salaries, I’d wear a mini-skirt, a tri-cornered hat, chew gum & fart silver dollars while whistlin’ the Star Spangled Banner in Macy’s window on Christmas eve, truth be told.
Keep it up Candace, what you do doesn’t mean a god-damned thing but it is absolutely essential that you do it!
Actually, Tom, I had to look up their names. I’ve somehow managed to avoid watching Fox News for years now….
Nicely done, Candace. But you do know that Bachmann is going to steal your economic strategy and not give you credit, right? 🙂